


serpens—quonk!

by marginaliana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Book 2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chaos, Gen, Parseltongue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 22:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21107024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: "Serpensortia!" Malfoy said – or, well, tried to say, because halfway through the curse one of the twins flicked Lee's tarantula up into Malfoy's hair, and the word came out as something a lot more like "serpens—quonk!"





	serpens—quonk!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).

"Serpensortia!" Malfoy said – or, well, tried to say, because halfway through the curse one of the twins flicked Lee's tarantula up into Malfoy's hair, and the word came out as something a lot more like "serpens—quonk!"

The wisp of smoke that had pulled itself from the tip of his wand wavered, then curled inward to form a large, round shape. One sweep of smoke remained, arching upwards from the end.

Harry stood his ground, but only because half his attention was on Malfoy's terrified squeaking. Then the smoke shape solidified into what was unmistakably some sort of large bird. The bird looked proud, somehow. Noble. Strong. Opinionated. Not particularly thrilled to be there.

Everyone in the room took a step back except for the twins, who took _two_ steps back and then hid behind a Ravenclaw prefect for good measure.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Stand back," he said. "I'll take care of this." 

"Honk," the bird said warningly. Harry winced at its words, waiting for Snape's reaction, but Snape didn't seem offended, merely irritated (his natural state) and a bit bored. 

He lifted his wand.

"HONK," said the bird. 

Harry winced even harder. 

"Er, Professor," he said. "Are you sure that's a goo—"

"Detention, Potter," said Snape. "For daring to question me."

Harry opened his mouth again, then closed it. If Snape wanted to stand there and be insulted and threatened, that was his own lookout. Harry looked back at the bird. It met his gaze. Harry shrugged and held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

The bird smirked. "Honk honk honk," it said. It was a goose, Harry realized now. He'd seen them back on Privet Drive, sometimes, and in the park. Even Dudley had been smart enough to give them a wide berth.

"Yeah, I'm not a complete idiot, thanks," Harry told it. He half expected Snape to take off points for that (for lying, most likely), but instead Snape just gave him a considering look, then flicked his wand in the direction of the goose and—

The goose dove with a deafening HONK.

Snape went arse-over-teakettle off the back end of the platform, robes flapping like a drunk owl in a windstorm, hair smacking itself into his face like the giant squid's tentacles having a fight with the Whomping Willow.

It was the best thing Harry had ever seen – and then it was better, because the goose picked up Snape's dropped wand in its beak.

The room sucked in a collective gasp, waiting for Snape's reaction, but when he stayed face-down on the floor they all burst into involuntary laughter. Harry, too, could do nothing but bend over and brace his hands on his knees and laugh until he absolutely ached with it. 

"That was… bloody brilliant!" he said at last, in between shaky breaths. He straightened up and grinned at the goose. 

"Honk," it said. It waddled smugly over to Harry and sat on his feet. It made no move to hand him the wand so Harry let that be, but he daringly reached down and patted the goose on the head.

"Honk," said the goose.

Harry laughed again. "Oh, yeah. I'm going to live on that memory for the rest of my life." When he lifted his head again, he found the entire room staring at him in abrupt silence.

"What?"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [serpens—quonk! [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445897) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass)


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